Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
