dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think your dad took our porno
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
