I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
