Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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