I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
