they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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