yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
