Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
