There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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