Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize