no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
