I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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