Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
