Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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