Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
