sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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