happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
