I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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