nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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