There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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