Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
