I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
