Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
