I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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