What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
