dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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