I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
