Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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