just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
