i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
