I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You left your phone here
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