I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
