whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
