Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize