so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
