My room smells like vodka and shame
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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