you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize