So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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