Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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