i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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