well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
