maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
