There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
