You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
