I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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