I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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