Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize