I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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