I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
