just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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