There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
