I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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