talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize