is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
