I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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