i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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