I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
