Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
soo... how was my night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
