just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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