Soap is not a condiment
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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