It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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