RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
