My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
