Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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