Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
