watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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