Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
