I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
